Date:         Mon, 3 Feb 1997 00:10:34 EST
From: gilbertsmith <>
Subject:      WHTMLNATBC 1
To: Multiple recipients of list WORDS-L <>


1)  An empty evening, depressing, yes it is, since I was scheduled
to do the dinner piano music at a benefit dance and received a
mysterious phone call two days ago informing my answering machine
that there was a "glitch" in the plans and I was not needed and they
would be in touch.  So, a good band playing at the Berkeley and I
will run the risk of running into the lady from down by the river,
whose phone calls I have very obligingly not been returning for some
three weeks now.

2)  I get there and the crowd is small.  No LFDBTR, nor her friend,
in whom I have some budding interest and who is my best dancing
partner.  Only the woman who is also a friend of LFDBTR, who also
seems to come from DBTR,  and, to add to the complication, has had a 2
year relationship with LFDBTR's *son*, though she is about 20 years
older than he.  I ask her to dance, which she does, with me, I mean
to say.  Then later we dance again this time swingy stuff rather than
close up tight, which she was obviously not very comfortable with.
Then, I move her toward the dance floor again after a while and she
says:  "No.  I don't want to right now."

3)  So my feelings are hurt, and I decide she wont get another chance
unless she asks me.  Then a large group arrives, several women near
my age, so my interest rises.  Two of them come to the bar, I stare
at them intently, but they do not return the stare.  I wander over
near their table and watch them, but they pay me no mind.  Oh well.

4)  My best dancing partner arrives and I spend some time dancing,
then drinking more beer, then dancing, then drinking more beer.
Then, one of the women from the table gets up, comes all the way
across the room and walks right up to me.  Through the fog, I say:
"Hi."  She says:  "Do you come here a lot?"  I say:  "Yes I do.  Do
you?"  She says:  "No.  But I think I should."

5)  Later, I realize that she means:  "No.  But I think I should
because *you* are here."  I never in all my life.

6)  So I say:  "Do you like to dance?"  She says:  "I don't dance
very well, but I have a friend over there who does and would like
to dance."  I say:  "But, do *you* like to dance?"  She says:
"Yes."  So I say:  "Maybe you will dance with me after a while." She
says:  "Maybe I will."  Then she is gone.

7)  My mind reels.  This is a fantastic looking woman.  Just the
right shape, right age, definitely does not live down by the river,
and she has come all the way across the room just to talk to me.  I
dance with my best dancing partner, very very aware of <showing out>
for this woman, whose intense stare I can feel all over my <being> as
I move around the floor, executing my best steps to the amazement of
my best dancing partner, who says: "You know, I am with someone, but
you dance much better than he does. I've never seen you like this.
What's going on?"  I say:  "I have no idea."

8)  So she has crossed the room just to tell me that I am her
major attraction for the evening.  What can this mean?  Am I assuming
too much?  She has taken my breath away and what am I to do?

Date:         Mon, 3 Feb 1997 00:42:57 EST
From: gilbertsmith <>
Subject:      WHTMLNATBC 2
To: Multiple recipients of list WORDS-L <>


8)  So, the music gets better and better and I realize it is now or
never.  If I am going to do it, I have to do it *now*.  So, I say to
my best dancing partner, thinking perhaps this will suppress the
obvious electricity between us, I say:  "A woman just made a pass at
me and I have to go pick up on it."  She laughs but I can tell
that her heart is not in it, that there is a bit of disappointment in
her smile....  Oh well, if you are going to find your true love you
are going to have to break some hearts along the way.

9)  I go to their table and offer my hand to the woman with a little
"Would you like to dance now?"  thrown in.   The touch of her hand is
like heaven... a heaven that I've never known....  Uhhh, where was I?
Oh, yes.  We get on the floor and ohmygod! ... this woman moves...
We do some slow bluesy swingy stuff and then I pull her up close for
a bit but she sort of avoids that, so back to swinging.  Afterward, I
say:  "You dance very nicely.  *What* *is* *your* *name*?"   She
answers by saying her name, very slowly and very deliberately,
accentuating each part of it with a little movement of her hand...
like she really wants me to remember this.  I think I will die....
but I manage to tell her my name... then for some reason... I don't
remember what she said but it was an invitation to tell her something
about myself, so I said something really stupid like:  "I teach
Spanish at NC State..."

10)  She brightens up and says...  "On, really?"  Like she has some
connection to that, some little coincidence, maybe we know the same
people....   But she says:  "I teach first grade..."  So *that's* the
connection.  We both teach.  Wow.

11)  Then we are back at the table, I squeeze her arm and say thanks
and go back to my group.  Then another dance with my BDP and I again
feel like I am performing for this woman, the absolute last and final
love of my life, this woman who has just popped into my life when I
was ready to give up and join the convent.

Date:         Mon, 3 Feb 1997 00:50:09 EST
From: gilbertsmith <>
Subject:      WHTMLNATBC 3
To: Multiple recipients of list WORDS-L <>


12) After a decent interval of a few songs, I go over and offer my
hand again.  She accepts.  This time it is a little slower and a
little closer, and then a little more snuggly...  and I say:  "You
are taking my breath away...  Who are you?"  She snuggles a little

13)  She says something like "You are the ....  here....  tonight..."
I say: "What?   What did you say?"  She says:  "I said, you are the
more fantastic thing here tonight...."  I surely will die, this cant
be happening, maybe I am drunk.  I say:  "That's exactly what I was
thinking about you."  Then the music stops and I say "Come out here
with me where we can hear each other.  I have to find out who you are
and *where* you are..."   She follows, since I am pulling on her
hand, but she seems a little reluctant.  In the other room, I tell
her my name again, and she says:  "Do you have a card?"  I say (oh
shit) "No I don't have a card...  but you can call me at ...."  She
says:  "I really have to go back, because......."

Date:         Mon, 3 Feb 1997 01:00:43 EST
From: gilbertsmith <>
Subject:      WHTMLNATBC 4
To: Multiple recipients of list WORDS-L <>


14)  So she says  "I really have to get back because that's my
husband sitting next to me at the table...."   I say: "Oh, *shit*...
your husband?"  She says:  "Yes..."   Then she is gone.

15)  So I brood a while and hang around behind them and watch as she
sits on his knee, then dances with him, then....  Then she gets up
and joins a couple from her table dancing by herself....  so I go
over and join her and we have a very very nice close dance and I
whisper sweet nothings in her ear and it is very cosy and then,
suddenly, out of nowhere.....  comes the husband....  and he takes
her by the hand and pulls her back to the table....

16)  And it all has happened so fast I hardly realize what is going
on.....  I am in a fog.  Have I imagined all this?  Was she just
enjoying herself having a nice dance with me....  ?   Am I drunk?....

17)  Soon after, they all get up and leave....   I go home alone,
driving when I shouldn't, probably, and the next morning it seems
like a dream.  What can this mean?