Date: Sun, 3 Mar 1996 13:07:00 -0500
From: Myles Callum <MCALLUM@DELPHI.COM>
Subject: A Fine Party and a Kick in the Butt
To: Multiple recipients of list WORDS-L <WORDS-L@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU>

Crunchy Veggies with Tasty Spinach Dip, Excellent Stuffed Mushrooms and Butterfly Shrimp. They were on the menu last night at the home of Marie Tomlinson and *ic*. Norman Hill was here, on the latest leg of a journey that had taken him from Greensboro, N.C., to Boston to Connecticut to Brooklyn. So Marie kindly invited me over for dinner, along with a few other friends of hers and [Censored]'s. Two of these friends were a Chinese married couple, most charming. The husband, whose name is something like Xeung, works with *ic* in a photo processing shop, although in China he had a degree in mechanical engineering and experience with programming. His wife, who reminded me of one of those Chinese dolls, had a smile as big as Beijing and is studying computer science. And there was another friend, Dei, whom I'd met before, a lively and interesting guy.

The food was pure-dee-lish and the company congenial; as someone has put it so vividly on the list, "We talked about stuff."

Normally this report would end now, but there's more. During the evening I heard a great story. Discretion prevents me from naming names. But let's call the person who is the subject of this story The Kicker.

The Kicker, as best I can gather, is interested in certain aspects of botany, and sometimes travels to nearby cities to collect interesting plant specimens from dealers. He did so on a recent weekend. I'm not sure whether it was a rare and unusual tomato plant, or what. In any case, having completed his transaction, The Kicker was in line to buy a return ticket at the train station, when to his surprise another man cut ahead of him and others in line, and went right up to the ticket window. The Kicker, who insists he is not normally a violent person, was outraged at this rude act and reacted impulsively. He walked up and kicked the guy in the ass!

The rude guy, who was well dressed and might have been some sort of executive, was taken aback by this assault from (and in) the rear, and told the ticket agent to call security. Two train cops arrived.

"What's goin' on here?"

"That guy cut ahead in line and I kicked him in the butt," said The Kicker.

"Oh, you admit it?" The Kicker, to his astonishment, was then handcuffed.

The cops asked the kickee whether he wished to press charges. If so, they would have to go up to the office. The Kicker now started to sweat a bit, inasmuch as being detained by the authorities would have entailed certain complications we won't go into.

"I don't have time, I gotta get my train," said the kickee.

"Then we have to let him go," said the cops.

A discussion now ensued between the kickee and The Kicker.

"Give me fifty bucks and I'll forget about it," said the kickee.

"I don't have fifty bucks."

The kickee eyed The Kicker's fine leather coat.

"Give me your coat, then."

"What! I'm not giving you my coat! I'll give you twenty bucks, that's all I have."

"Okay." The Kicker was uncuffed and twenty bucks changed hands. The kickee was satisfied that he had extracted reparation. The Kicker was glad to see this crisis de-escalate. They went their separate ways.

I think I would say something if a guy cut ahead in line, although I can't imagine kicking anyone in the butt.

But it would definitely be worth twenty bucks.